


love, if i were to let you go

by Franks22



Series: let the seasons begin [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha Kageyama Tobio, Alpha Oikawa Tooru, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Omega Hinata Shouyou, aftermath of assault, forced bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25506925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Franks22/pseuds/Franks22
Summary: His sister must see something in the crazed look in his eyes, or hear something in the desperation of his voice because her own eyes soften, her lips pulling up in a sad smile that pulls at Tobio’s heart, and she brings him into her arms in another soft embrace, smoothing the still sweaty strands of hair at his nape in gentle motions.Kageyama Tobio didn't think he wanted much, and it isn't until Hinata is taken from him that he realises just how much he still had to lose.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Oikawa Tooru
Series: let the seasons begin [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825738
Comments: 35
Kudos: 231





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! Quicker than I thought I would be.
> 
> Not quite sure how many chapters this is going to be - I've got a rough draft of 3 chapters but with the way I am, this is subject to change at any time.
> 
> I hope you enjoy seeing Tobio's side of things!
> 
> See you next chapter,  
> Franks22

Volleyball has been a part of Tobio’s life for as long as he can remember, the texture and weight of the ball feeling almost like home between him calloused fingertips after so many years, but in the months since joining Karasuno, he’s learnt the feel of a new type of home, in soft hands and fluffy hair and cheeks heated with excitement. His fingertips have trailed delicate paths down a slender neck, have mapped out every mole and freckle on cheeks and arms and it’s strange to Tobio, that losing something still so new, still so fresh in the memory of his touch, could hurt so much.

Hinata sits before them all, and he’s pale and shaking. There are tears in his eyes and his voice keeps breaking mid-sentence and Tobio finds himself looking at his lips, soft and pink, moving with words Tobio can’t hear, refuses to listen to.

Because Oikawa…he-they-

Tobio takes a deep breath and it stutters in his throat. 

It can’t be true. They can’t _actually_ be…because it’s supposed to be _him_ , Hinata chose _him_ not Oikawa and-

Their teammates are quiet around him, listening to Hinata as he explains what had happened to him following their game against Seijoh the previous evening, but Tobio feels separated from them all, as if he’s looking in through a glass wall he can’t cross.

He desperately wants to go to Hinata, wants to wrap his arms around Hinata’s slim shoulders and run gentle fingers through his hair like he has a hundred times before, wants to push his face against Hinata's neck and drink in the scent that has filled his head most nights since they met, but he’s rooted to the spot by some unknown force, and those slim shoulders and soft hair and intoxicating scent aren't his to indulge in anymore, aren't his to take comfort from because _Oikawa_ has- 

He realises belatedly that he might be in shock. His hands are tingling and his vision is going dark around the edges and he can’t quite feel his legs, so he takes another deep breath, wincing as Hinata’s usually bright spring scent sours the air around them all, and takes several steps back, away from the scent, away from _Hinata_ , each movement of his feet against the smooth surface of the gym’s floor feeling a little bit like heartbreak, a little bit like the forming of a chasm, wide and unforgiving, that he might never be able to cross again. 

Tobio leaves the gym in a daze, leaving Hinata and his teammates behind before any of them try to talk to him because he’s not entirely sure he’d know what to say. He feels hot and clammy, palms slick with sweat, but his mind is oddly blank as closes the door behind him quietly and makes his way outside, the cool night air raising goosebumps on his sweat damp skin. He doesn’t bother to pull on his sweater or the windbreaker he has stuffed into his bag, just hunches his shoulder’s slightly against the slight breeze as he walks down the hill leading away from school. 

The past twenty four hours have been filled with such highs and lows that Tobio, unable to process emotions easily even at the best of times, is left a little bit in limbo, unable to work out which way to turn, whether he should be elated at the team's recent win or angry at what happened to Hinata, or sad maybe, that what he and Hinata had had growing strong and sure and steady between them is going to slip through his fingers like sand with no way for him to stop it. He feels lost as he meanders down the streets, past coach Ukai’s shop and the place he first held hands with Hinata and the corner where they first shared scents, and _god_

He wishes his grandpa were here for him.

His grandfather that had been more a father to him in his childhood than his actual dad ever had been. His grandfather that had cleaned cut knees and broken fingernails with gentle hands and a gentler smile.

He’d take Tobio in his arms now, if he were still alive to do so, and he’d wrap him tight in love and safety and Tobio _craves_ it. Craves the familiarity of a touch he hasn’t felt in years as his life seems to break apart around him. 

It takes him twice as long as usual to finally get home, and it feels a little like he’s spent the time between the school gates and his front door wading through mud, legs sinking further beneath the surface as he struggled to put each foot in front of the other to move forward. 

He opens the door with a quiet sigh, and it's a relief when he realises that the house isn’t dark and silent. There are lights on in the kitchen and he can hear the low din of the television from their living room and he’s glad that he won’t be spending the night alone with only the accusatory thoughts waging war in his head. 

“Nice setting today, little brother!” His sister says with a smile from her spot on the couch, fingers splayed as she coats each nail in a shocking pink polish. Her hair is pulled back from her face with a bunny-eared headband, and there’s a thick paste all over her cheeks and forehead and it’s so familiar, as much a part of his routine as his volleyball training is, that he feels a bit of the tension leave his shoulders as he drops his things by the door and makes his way over to her.

He sits beside her on the sofa, trying to take even breaths, to gather the unravelled edges of himself back together, and she must notice the odd look on his face, must know something’s wrong, because the little bottle of polish is screwed shut and placed on the table before them as she turns to face him, the mask on her face wrinkling over her forehead as she frowns at him.

“Tobio? What happened? What’s wrong?”

He takes another breath that catches on a sob in his throat, and her eyes widen a fraction, because he’s never been one to show his emotions really, has mostly tried to be strong and brave like his grandfather had been before him, even when he was lying in a hospital bed with the life slowly draining out of him. He’d smiled despite the obvious pain, had entertained Tobio with the same soft smiles and soothing words as he always had. 

He tries to speak past the lump in his throat, tries to ignore the wetness gathering at the corner of his eyes and the shaking of his hands as he clenches his fists tightly in the fabric of his tracksuit pants, but it _hurts_.

“Hey, whoa, little bro. Tobio, what’s wrong?” Miwa says, concern lacing her words as she inches closer on the couch, resting a hand over one of his clenched fists. 

He shakes his head in lieu of replying, not trusting his voice as his stomach heaves with the force of the cries he’s trying to keep in and she wraps her arms around him then, and they aren’t heavily toned and muscled like his own are, but the hug is grounding and comforting in a way that big sister’s always seem to be when you really need them.

She rocks them gently, and her hair tickles his face and he’s sure he’s getting most of her face mask rubbed against his shirt but he doesn’t care, just sits in her embrace and lets her soothing scent wash over him, calming the thoughts that seem to be pushing and straining against his skull.

“It’s Hinata,” He manages to choke out, and his voice catches, breaks on the boy’s name, and he squeezes his eyes shut for a second to will away the tears that just seem to keep coming. 

“Hinata? Your little middle blocker right? He’s ok isn’t he? He looked fine on the TV.”

“It’s-he’s,” Tobio stutters, and he doesn’t know if he’s capable of saying the words that he needs to because it still doesn’t feel real. Still feels like a nightmare he’s lying in bed ready to wake up from, “He’s an omega-“

“Yeah I know that, you told me all about him when you started at school, remember?” She interrupts softly, and there’s confusion in her voice and in the wrinkles around her eyes but she lets him take his time to gather his thoughts and words. 

“He was mated. Yesterday.” Tobio manages to say around the lump in his throat, and his stomach rolls in an uneasy wave. “Forced into a bond by one of the members of the other team.”

Miwa’s eyes widen in horror, her mouth dropping open like a fish, and it’d be funny, the look on her face, if Tobio’s heart wasn’t breaking apart right in his chest, hollowing him out and leaving an empty space right where Hinata usually resides.

“A forced bond?” She whispers, bring a hand up to her mouth as her eyes go misty, “Oh, that poor boy. And by a member of the opposite team? You played Seijoh right? Is it someone you know?”

“It was…it was Oikawa-san.” He replies, and his fists tighten once more. 

Miwa gasps aloud then, because she knows Oikawa, has heard Tobio speak of him numerous times over the years. She knows their history, the troubled stories of their past together at Kitagawa, because despite not really understanding back then, Tobio had told his sister everything. He hadn’t anyone else at the time to confide in, and his sister had always been willing to sit and listen. 

“Jesus, Tobio. Oikawa?” She says in disbelief, her eyes still wide, “He’s been trouble from the start, for sure, but I didn’t think he’d be capable of something like that. What on earth possessed him to do something like that? And to Hinata, of all people!”

“It’s my fault,” Tobio whispers, and he can’t help but look down and away from his sister, because the guilt and anger he feels is surely carved in deep lines across his face. He’s ashamed, and he doesn’t want to see the look on his sister’s face when she realises. “He did it because of _me_.”

Miwa squeezes his hand firmly.

“I don’t believe that for a second, Tobio.” She says sharply, “No matter what you did, or think you did, it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask Oikawa to bond with Hinata, did you?”

“Of course not!” He shouts as he raises his head to look at his sister, his brows furrowing, “I’d _never_ \- “

“Exactly.” Miwa says with another quick squeeze of his hand, “You didn’t ask him to, or tell him to. Anything he chooses to do, no matter the reasons or excuses he comes up with, lies entirely on him.”

“He did it for revenge!” Tobio says, and his arms are shaking again, small trembles that shift the fabric of his pants, “He did it to get back at me for finally beating him!”

“And if he thinks that ruining the life of another boy because of a volleyball match is an acceptable course of action, then there’s something seriously wrong with him,” Miwa says, “But it still _isn’t your fault_ , do you hear me? That type of boy, that type of alpha, will think up any excuse to cause pain to others, and it’s not up to you, or anyone else, to walk on eggshells around them. You won that match, fair and square, and the fact that he couldn’t take his defeat with grace has absolutely nothing to do with you.”

“But-“

“But nothing, Tobio. I’m serious. You get those thoughts out of your head because I can guarantee you that Hinata doesn’t blame you. That boy is sunshine personified and there’s no way he’d blame anyone but Oikawa for what happened. Don’t let your misplaced blame get in the way of your friendship.”

“Friendship?” He says, and his voice isn’t one he recognises, “Miwa, I don’t think we can still be friends after all of this.”

And he knows it’s true, because how is he supposed to look at Hinata as anything less than his everything? How is he supposed to go back to how they were when they first met, before slaps on the back became kisses on the cheek, or fist bumps became hand holding? How is he supposed to forget the look on Hinata’s face when they’re alone together, playing volleyball late into the evening after everyone else has left their nightly practice? He can’t take back his feelings, wouldn’t even if he was capable of it, because Hinata is the sun, has a gravitational pull that Tobio has been swept up in for months now and there’s no friendship after that, no coming back from the warmth and heat of the time they’ve spent together as something altogether _more_.

His sister must see something in the crazed look in his eyes, or hear something in the desperation of his voice because her own eyes soften, her lips pulling up in a sad smile that pulls at Tobio’s heart, and she brings him into her arms in another soft embrace, smoothing the still sweaty strands of hair at the nape of his neck in gentle, repetitive motions.

“Oh Tobio,” She says with a sigh, “I’m so sorry.”

Her voice is soft, so much like their grandfather's, so much like the feeling of home and comfort of his childhood that his shoulders start to shake again, his eyes misting with incoming tears and he does nothing to stop them now in his sister's arms, only winds his own arms around her back, grabbing at her sweater with trembling hands and pushes his face into her neck, taking in her soothing beta scent as the grief and confusion and anger of the day finally gets the better of him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't in my original plan. It's a bit of a filler really, if I think about it. 
> 
> We'll be seeing Hinata next chapter and finally get a bit of interaction between him and Tobio, which I'm looking forward to seeing. Feels like it's been a long time coming really!
> 
> See you next chapter!  
> Franks22

When Tobio wakes the next morning, his head feels stuffy and his senses cloudy. There’s a deep, persistent throbbing in his temple, his eyes are sore when he rubs away the remnants of sleep from the corners, and his throat stings when he clears it roughly. 

He gets dressed in a daze, his arms and legs still aching from the previous days match, and makes his way downstairs.

His sister is sat at the table with her breakfast before her, already dressed and ready to go to work, and she looks up when she hears Tobio enter the room. Her eyes are red too, from lack of sleep, and Tobio feels guilty for having been the cause of it. His breakdown the previous night had shocked his sister, and they’d stayed up late, wrapped tightly around each other as Tobio had tried to calm himself down enough to sleep, but she hadn’t complained. Had simply wiped away his tears and brushed gentle fingers through his hair until he’d finally started to feel the exhaustion weigh him down.

“How’re you feelin’, Tobio?” She says once he’s settled down at the table facing her, his own breakfast of leftover rice and fish from the previous night steaming slightly in front of him. 

He shrugs his shoulders as he takes up his chopsticks, piercing the fish before breaking a part off to bring up to his lips.

“Terrible,” He says simply before eating the fish. He can’t lie to his sister, can’t lie to anyone really, he’s always been told he’s terrible at it, but he wouldn’t want to anyway. She’s seen him at his best, and at his worst, and she’s always stayed a solid presence beside him regardless. After swallowing he continues, “My head hurts, and my legs and arms are aching.”

“Can you not take a few days off practice?” She asks as she tucks into her own meal, “I’m sure your coach won’t mind, considering everything that’s happened.”

“We’re already having the next few days off from proper practice,” He says as he stabs at the egg sitting atop his rice, smearing the golden yolk around until it mixes together, “We can do individual practice, if we want. Most of the team will be there.”

“Maybe you should just come home straight after school instead,” Miwa says, “You can do some light practice in the back garden, right? I don’t mind helping you out for a few days.”

“I can’t ask you to do that, you’ve got work.”

“Work can wait. If you need me, I’ll be here.” She says firmly. 

“I…I think I should go to practice.” Tobio says quietly, not taking his eyes off the congealing mess of egg and rice that he continues to stir, “If I take the week off, they might worry. I don’t want anybody to worry.”

“They’ll understand,” Miwa replies softly, “If they know about you and Hinata, of course they’ll understand.”

Tobio grips his chopsticks tightly before forcing himself to relax.

“They know. I don’t think Hinata could have kept it a secret even if I’d asked him to.”

“He is quite loud, eh?” Miwa says with a little smile curling at the corner of her lips, “Seems to wear his heart on his sleeve too, by the sounds of it.”

“Mm,” Tobio hums, “I don’t think he can help it. He just feels so much, all the time, and it can’t help but burst out.”

Miwa laughs aloud at the obvious confusion in his voice.

“And you’re the complete opposite, aren’t you?” She says with a wry grin, “You’re like complete opposites! But they do always say that opposites attract, right?”

He smiles back at her, his chest and head feeling warm with happiness, talking about Hinata to his sister. But it drops almost instantly when he remembers exactly why they’re talking about the boy. 

“But it doesn’t matter,” He says, voice barely above a whisper, “It doesn’t matter, because we can’t be together anymore.”

“I’m sure there’s something you can do, Tobio,” Miwa says confidently, “There’s nothing you can’t do if you put your mind to it, right? That’s the little brother I know, anyway.”

“It’s not that easy though, is it?” Tobio replies, and he knows he’s getting angry at the wrong person, taking out his frustration on someone that doesn’t deserve it, but he’s tired, _so tired_ , and the past couple of days have left him wrung out and unsure of himself in a way he’s never felt before, “This isn’t some…some kind of fairy tale where true love conquers all, you know?”

His sister raises a brow at him in reply.

“True love, eh?” She says, “Tobio. If you’re gonna sit there and admit to me that you love that boy, don’t you think what you have is worth fighting for?”

His eyes widen at that, but he can’t say anything back to her, because he does love Hinata. Had realised it when he’d watched the other boy break down in front of their whole team yesterday. Had realised it again in bed last night, when his heart felt like it was tearing itself out of his chest in agony. 

He loves Hinata. But he’s not so sure that any amount of fighting will get back what they had before Oikawa got in the way of things. 

His sister leaves to go to work shortly after, with a quick ruffle of his hair and kiss on the cheek and Tobio’s left alone at the table, heart clenching and the food in his stomach feeling heavy. 

He breathes deeply for a few minutes, then he stands and cleans up his dishes before making his way over to the door to put on his shoes, slipping his phone, still void of any of the usual messages from Hinata, into the side pocket of his bag as he hefts it onto his shoulder.

Hinata isn’t waiting for him as he usually is when Tobio arrives at the school entrance, and his heart sinks slightly.

He wasn’t really expecting him to be there, what with everything that’s happened, but his absence still stings. Tobio’s so used to seeing the boy as soon as he gets to school, both of them itching to get to the gym to practice that they practically run to the teams changing room every morning, racing each other with bright wide grins on both their faces. It’s routine at this point, to start his day with Hinata by his side, egging him on and challenging him in turn. 

He swallows away the bitter taste at the back of his throat and makes a quick detour to the nearest vending machine, pressing the button for his favourite brand of milk a little harder than necessary, and drinks it completely in a few long pulls as soon as he removes it from the drop box. He throws it in the waste bin a few metres away, not even feeling the slightest bit of satisfaction as it hits the bottom of the can without touching the side, and makes his way inside alone, changing his outdoor shoes for his indoor slippers. It’s quiet without Hinata’s inane chatter coming from beside him as he stows away his shoes and closes the small locker with a click, and Tobio feels disjointed, unused to the silence after so many months of near constant noise.

Tobio walks to his classroom then, and he’s stopped several times by classmates and year mates and strangers alike, all with well wishes and words of congratulations for the team’s victory the previous day and he isn’t quite sure what to say in reply – with everything that’s happened over the past few days, the match feels like it was months ago to Tobio – so he simply nods to them in thanks before moving on.

Hinata’s usual seat is empty too, Tobio notices once he reaches their classroom, and he can’t help the small flash of panic that rushes through him. The team doesn’t have morning practice this week, so it’s not likely he’ll be at the gym, and if he isn’t in the classroom, then where the hell is he?

Tobio sits down in his own seat at the back of the classroom, placing his bag on the small hook on the side of his desk and his thoughts run a mile a minute.

He’s heard rumours before, everyone has really, of omega’s being pulled out of school by possessive alphas, being forced to stay home and have children far too young, spending the rest of their lives pandering to their alphas. Omega’s are only legally required to finish middle school because of it. But surely not…Tobio can’t believe that Oikawa would do something like that, not even to get back at him. 

He’s itching to get out his phone and just _ask_ , demand an explanation from Hinata for his apparent disappearance, but he’s not received a single message from Hinata since their match on Saturday, and he isn’t sure where he stands, if his concern would be welcomed or not, so he leaves it in his bag. 

He keeps glancing at the door as the minutes pass, in search of a head of bright orange hair, but when the teacher walks in, closing the door firmly behind her, Tobio falls back against his seat with his stomach rolling uneasily.  
Their teacher takes roll call, and once it’s done she looks over at Tobio.

“Hinata’s going to be off this week,” She says, “Are you able to take notes and get any assignments to him when he gets back next Monday?”

Relief washes over Tobio then, his stomach settling.

Only a week. He’s not gone forever, not being forced to stay home because of Oikawa. 

He nods his head in reply, feeling like a weight has lifted off his shoulders just a little.

He decides not to go to the gym at the end of the school day, deciding instead to take his sister’s advice and go straight home. He knows that most, if not all, of his teammates will already be there, doing independent practice, but Tobio can’t bring himself to be in their company right now.

He’s worried, really, that they’ll ask questions he doesn’t have the answer to. That they’ll ask what happened, and why, and how, and Tobio is as clueless as they are to Oikawa’s reasoning, and at this point he doesn’t really feel like he can talk in Hinata’s stead. He’s got no idea what Hinata’s feeling right now, has got no idea why he’s off from school, other than a few guesses. His phone has been a heavy weight in his palm most of the day, clutched tightly in his fist underneath his desk, but it’s stayed silent, never once vibrating with an incoming message, and Tobio doesn’t think he’s brave enough to break the silence between them when he doesn’t know how Hinata will react. 

Tobio makes his way home alone, getting changed into work out gear and going for a long jog in lieu of setting practice, and the cool rush of the evening air helps to settle his mind a little. The further he runs, the more he concentrates on the burn in his legs and the up-beat tempo of his heart, rather than the lingering thoughts of Hinata that still plague the back of his mind. 

The week continues on as Monday had, and he manages to avoid his teammates easily. He’s not in the same classes as Tsukishima or Yamaguchi or Yachi, and it’s rare for upperclassmen to venture down to the first years floor, so he’s left alone for the most part. 

It gnaws at him though, the loneliness he feels during every lunch and break spent away from the team, from Hinata. He should be used to it by now, having spent his three years of middle school mostly on his own outside of volleyball practice, and he’s only been at Karasuno a few months. But it hasn’t taken him long to get used to his new teammates, to the friendships that he’s managed to forge despite previous experience telling him he couldn’t, so the break times spent in seldom used corridors, or at his desk in his classroom, feel a little bit too much like the time he spent at Kitagawa. He worries, a tight knot curling in his stomach, that maybe this is how his life is going to be now, without Hinata there to bridge the gap between him and his other teammates, if he’s destined to repeat the same mistakes he’d made in middle school, that had given him the title he so hated to hear.

It’s Yachi that finally corners him just before the bell rings at the end of lunch on Friday, and Tobio stiffens as she really looks at him. He stares back, unsure of what to say, and notices the tight lines around her eyes, the small frown pulling at the corners of her pursed lips. She looks worried, out of sorts, and he knows she’s probably spent the week thinking about Hinata, just as Tobio has. 

“Have you heard from Hinata?” She asks quietly, confirming Tobio's suspicions as she looks around quickly to make sure there aren’t any eavesdroppers nearby, “He’s not been answering my messages, and I know he can be a bit forgetful sometimes, but he usually gets back to me once he actually checks his phone. I’ve not heard anything from him since Sunday.”

Tobio clears his throat, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. He feels awkward and ashamed, though he’s not really sure why.

“Er…no. We haven’t-he’s not-“ He stutters out, and Yachi frowns at him as he continues, “We’re not really talking…at the minute.”

Yachi’s eyes glisten slightly, and Tobio’s stomach drops. He brings up a hand to….to do something, offer comfort or reassurance or some other gesture he’s never been too good at understanding, but she waves him off with a short sniffle.

“I’m sorry!” She says as she hastily wipes at her eyes, “I know this isn’t about me, and I’ve got no reason to cry. It’s just so sad. The two of you were so close, you know? And now, with everything that’s happened…”

“I know.” Tobio says softly, and he really wishes he could cry as easily as Yachi can. Wishes it were socially acceptable for him to just sniffle and sob, because then maybe his head wouldn’t feel so full all the time, “It’s…I’m-I’m not quite sure what to do, to be honest.”

The confession feels heavy, and he knows his voice is tinged with desperation. It hurts to say it out loud, that he’s struggling so much, he’s spent the week floating through life and school and his independent practice, barely paying attention to what’s been happening around him, his mind so full of thoughts of Hinata that he’s not had a lot of time or space for much else. However, despite all of the time thinking alone, _worrying_ really, Tobio is still no closer to truly working out his feelings, or of a way to sort out the mess his life has become. He feels guilty for pushing it onto Yachi like this, when it seems to be affecting her just as badly, but it’s a relief too, to share his burden with someone else. 

“I don’t know either,” Yachi says quietly, and a small tear escapes from her blonde lashes, working its way quickly down her flushed cheek, “It’s not something I really ever thought about, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. I want to be there for Hinata, but he’s not here and even if he was, I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

“He’ll be back on Monday, I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Tobio says, and the lie is obvious as soon as he voices it, his voice thin, and he’s not quite sure who he’s trying to convince when he says it, “He’ll be his usual self and we’ll have all been worrying for nothing.”

Yachi looks at him doubtfully, before something seems to click. 

“Kageyama…are you….are you doing ok? Is there anything I can do for you? I know that you two were…you two were together, right? Like, boyfriends? So this affects you as much as it does Hinata…and- Oh!“ Her eyes widen slightly in embarrassment, and she slaps herself lightly on the cheeks, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to pry! It’s none of my business, I’m sorry!”

“It’s ok.” Tobio manages to choke out, even with the lump in his throat, “It’s fine. You’re right. We are…er…we _were_ together, like…boyfriends. But, but I don’t think so…anymore. He hasn’t really said anything to me since Sunday. Only what he’s said to the rest of the team. I don’t even know why he’s off this week, whether it’s because of the…of the bond, or sickness or something else entirely. He’s not…he’s not called or messaged me.”

“I’m sorry, Kageyama.” Yachi replies, resting a hand on his arm. It’s skin-ship he isn’t used to, a comforting touch between friends that he’s never really had before, and his chest warms at the touch. “If there’s anything I can do to help, all you need to do is ask, ok? Tsukishima and Yamaguchi too…they won’t say it out loud, but they’ve been worried about you this week. And the rest of the team. We miss you at practice.”

“I’ll be back next week. I just needed a few days on my own after…after everything.”

“I understand. And they all will too.” She says with quiet confidence. “If you hear from Hinata…would you be able to let me know? Just so I can stop worrying so much. I know you said he’ll be back next week but, it’s a long time to go without seeing him, right?”

She leaves him then after a final comforting squeeze of his arm, going back to her own classroom at the end of the hall, and Tobio lets out a long, shaky exhale.

He feels wrung out and brittle as he makes his way to his desk, but also a little bit lighter too. He’s not managed to ruin everything, his team still like him, still care. He only wishes he could see Hinata, see for himself that he is ok, and see if there is a way for Tobio to salvage what little of their friendship might still be left. He can’t help but think back to what his sister had said on Monday. If he truly loves Hinata as much as the pain in his chest seems to indicate, surely there must be something he can do. Some way he can stay by his side, just a little while longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has left me kudos and wonderful comments, I feel really happy that so many people appear to be enjoying this!
> 
> There are two chapters left to this, and I think the next chapter is gonna be an interesting one, so please bear with me! I'll get it out as soon as I can, but I've recently been promoted at work and the additional tasks are currently handing me my arse at the minute so my mind is a bit of a mess. 
> 
> Thanks in advance for your patience,
> 
> Franks22

Hinata’s sat at his desk when Tobio enters their classroom on Monday morning, and if Tobio didn’t know every hair and freckle on the boy’s head, he’d almost think it was someone else entirely.

Hinata’s not near-vibrating in his seat with wide eyes and a wider smile as he laughs and shouts with their classmates, not talking a mile a minute about anything and everything, from what he had for dinner the night before to the interesting bug he saw on his bike ride to school. 

He’s silent in his seat instead, gazing out of the window with unfocused eyes, and there’s a slight tremor in his hands as he absently taps his fingers on the desk, not paying any attention at all to the people bustling around him getting to their seats.

He looks tired, deep purple bags etched heavy under his eyes, and his skin looks waxy, pale without the flushed cheeks he usually wears due to his near constant fidgeting. 

He’s also wearing a hoodie underneath his gakuran, and a selfish part of Tobio, the part of him still in denial really, is glad that its collar and hood fit sung around Hinata’s neck, up to his chin, hiding the mark that Tobio knows lies there.

Tobio feels lost, standing in the doorway watching Hinata. Feels like he’s entered an alternate universe where Hinata isn’t the sun, isn’t bright and warm and wonderful, and Tobio can’t help but think that it feels a little like being sucked into a black hole, having his life sucked into nothingness, void of thought and feeling.

The last few stragglers push past him on their way into the room, and it shifts his attention away from the omega enough for Tobio to go to his own desk but he still spends much of the morning with his eyes boring into the back of Hinata’s head. He’s not sure if it’s a trick of the light, or his own maudlin emotions at play, but he’s sure that even Hinata’s hair looks more dull than usual, a muted copper rather than the bright vibrant orange that Tobio has loved for months now.

When the bell rings signifying lunch hours later, Hinata is the first out of the room, snatching up his bag and hurrying to the door without a backwards glance, and even if Tobio wanted to catch up to him, he isn’t entirely sure he could with the speed in which the other boy leaves. He sighs as he gets up himself, meandering to the nearest vending machine for some milk before returning to his desk. 

It’s quiet without Hinata, the only sound in the room his other classmates as they chat and eat their own lunches, and he feels detached from them somehow, unable and unwilling to bridge the gap between them.

He looks out the window, finishes his lunch, and pointedly doesn’t think about the empty space on the other side of his desk.

* * *

Tobio finds himself keeping an eye on Hinata as they, along with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, make their way over to the teams changing room for practice that afternoon. 

He notices the way Hinata seems to steel himself almost, as they reach the bottom of the stairs; letting out a loud and messy exhale and straightening his shoulders. If Tobio didn’t know any better, he’d think Hinata were readying himself for war.

War comes in the form of Nishinoya running out of the club room with a bang, a bright smile on his face.

“HINATAA!” Nishinoya shouts, and Tobio winces slightly at the volume. 

Hinata jumps at the noise, and Tobio see’s out of the corner of his eye as the boy quickly plasters a smile on his face.

It’s a poor attempt, as far as Tobio is concerned. It looks fake, strained, and it doesn’t reach his eyes, bunching his cheeks up the way Tobio knows it usually does when he’s truly happy.

Nishinoya comes bounding down the stairs, meeting them half way, and grabs hold of Hinata, dragging him the rest of the way up to the first floor. Hinata goes willingly, the smile on his face turning a little more genuine in the face of Nishinoya’s joy, and it tugs a little at Tobio’s heart. 

“We missed you, you know?” Nishinoya laughs, “It’s been real quiet without you and Kageyama.”

Hinata shoots a quick glance over at Tobio, a question in his eyes, before he returns his gaze to Noya. 

“I’m sorry, Noya-senpai!” He says with what Tobio guesses is supposed to be a happy grin, “I wasn’t feel well, so mum told me I had to stay home!”

They make their way into the club room, and Tobio hangs back slightly, lets Hinata’s greetings to their upperclassman finish before slipping into the room himself, keeping out of the way of his more boisterous teammates.

They leave him alone mostly, only giving him bright smiles and warm welcomes before leaving him to change in peace, and he can’t help but be a little bit grateful.

* * *

With all of the team finally back at practice, Ukai instructs them to set up to check their statistics for the upcoming tournament. 

Nobody mentions Hinata and Tobio’s absences the previous week, nobody mentions the mark they can all see clearly on Hinata’s neck, sitting high above the collar of his practice uniform, but there are looks, side-eyed glances and questions on the tips of tongues, so Tobio busies himself with helping Yachi set up a ladder for her to stand on to take their measurements, turning his back on his teammates curious gazes. 

She’s a comforting presence, despite how easily flustered she can get sometimes, and Tobio’s almost glad for the talk they’d had at the end of the week. She’s seen a side of him that he hasn’t let any of their teammates really see, seen him tired and vulnerable and unsure of himself, and rather than bringing attention to it, or telling anyone else, she quietly talks with him about the upcoming tournament instead, about the other teams they might see there and the hotel they're hoping to book and it’s just distracting enough that Tobio can ignore the absence of the shouts and laughs that are usually the soundtrack to the teams evening practices. 

They finish setting everything up fairly quickly, Yachi taking her position high up on the ladder with a tape measure at the ready, and Tobio goes to the end of the line as Sawamura and Sugawara get things started.

Tobio watches with interest as the rest of his team find out their vertical jump, feels a little bit of the excitement that used to bubble through him in every evening practice start up in his chest, and when its his own turn, he takes a deep breath, shakes out his limbs and then runs, pushing himself up with all the strength he can muster. His handprint lands soundly on the backboard, high above his teammates and as he lands he can't help but smile a little.

He turns to Hinata to see his reaction, and the smile swiftly falls from his face when he sees that he's turned away, talking quietly with Yamaguchi instead.

He walks back to the rest of the team and ignores the raised brow that Tsukishima sends his way.

It's Hinata's turn shortly after, and despite the heavy weight he has in his stomach at the omega's lack of attention for his own jump, he still watches in eager anticipation as Hinata readies himself and then runs, stopping directly below the hoop and planting his feet firmly on the ground, taking to the sky in a way that never fails to set Tobio's heart thumping in his chest.

He slams his hand against the clear plastic of the basketball board hard and the sound echoes around the gym.

It’s high. Higher than a few of their teammates, and definitely nothing to be ashamed of, but rather than boasting, running around the room and issuing challenges to anyone still left to go, he simply lands, looks up at the mark with an expression that Tobio can’t quite parse, and makes his way back over to the rest of the team. 

Tobio beats Hinata by a few centimetres, but the victory feels hollow.

* * *

It’s Takeda-sensei that ends the practice for the day when he comes barging into the gym out of breath and red faced, clutching a piece of paper tightly in his hands.

The team gather around him quickly, leaving volleyballs strewn around the room from their individual practice, and even Tobio can admit he’s a little curious. The last time he’d come running into the gym with such a ruckus, they’d been invited to Tokyo to play against Nekoma and Fukurodani in their joint training camp. 

In the end, Tobio is invited to the Japan Youth training camp. Hinata is not.

Tsukishima is invited to Shiratorizawa, to coach Washijo’s own version of the camp. Hinata is not.

For a split second, Tobio goes to gloat, to boast and tease, but the words die on his lips as he turns and sees the blood-shot eyes framed by deep purple bags, a complete contrast to the waxy pallor of the skin on Hinata’s cheeks and forehead. He looks terrible really, with his hands in tight shaking fists in his lap, his jaw clenched tightly. 

Tobio receives slaps on the back and his hair is ruffled, and he’s happy, of course he is - this type of invitation is rare, and to know he’s going to be spending a week in Tokyo with the best and brightest of his generation is enough to get anyone excited, but Tobio can’t help but glance at Hinata, watching as the boy quietly makes his way out of the room unseen by the rest of the team.

With practice over, the team do their usual cool downs, chatting and laughing with each other, and usually Tobio would be in the fray, willingly or not, but he instead he helps take down the net, puts a few stray balls into the ball bin, and makes his way out of the gym as quickly as possible, intent on catching up with Hinata.

He reaches the steps of the clubroom, but before he gets to the top, Hinata comes rushing out of their room, his clothes hastily put on, his hair a mess of sweaty curls, and Tobio’s stomach lurches when he catches sight of the tears glistening on Hinata’s cheeks as they brush past each other.

“Hinata!” Tobio shouts, as he turns around to follow him, “Shouyou! Please. Wait.”

Hinata carries on down the stairs, taking two at a time in his haste, but Tobio sticks close to his heels.

He grabs Hinata’s arm before they reach the bottom step, and he doesn’t miss the quick shudder that passes through Hinata at the contact. He releases his hand instantly, ashamed of himself, but he doesn’t back down.  
“Please. We need to talk, Hinata,” Tobio pleads, voice desperate.

“Not now, Kageyama,” Hinata says, his voice thick with tears, “I need to get home.”

“No, we need to talk-“

“There is absolutely _nothing_ to talk about.” Hinata replies shortly.

“Of course there is,” Tobio says, going down a step to lessen the height difference between them, “We haven’t spoken since…since everything happened. Are you just gonna let this end without saying a single word to me?”

“What do you want me to say, Kageyama?” Hinata says, and he sounds defeated almost, his voice flat as he turns around to face Tobio.

Tobio takes a single step back at the look on Hinata’s face. 

He’s not defeated. He’s _broken_. It’s clear as day in the deeply etched lines around his eyes and lips.

“What do you want me to say?” Hinata repeats.

Tobio doesn’t say anything, can’t in the face of Hinata’s despair. It’s cutting in his chest, sharp and searing.

“I had a spontaneous heat last week.” Hinata says apropos of nothing, looking Tobio right in the eyes as he does so. “That’s why I was off. The doctor said the bond was making my hormones go out of whack. I’m not due for one for another four months, but two days with a bond and it started right up.”

He takes a shuddering breath, his shoulders coming up defensively, and Tobio wants to reach out, wants to take him in his arms and soothe him, wants to wrap him up in warmth and safety, as an alpha should for their omega, but he _can’t_ because they’re not-

“It’s…everything is just so much, you know?” Hinata cuts through Tobio’s thoughts, and his voice is raising slightly now, a hysterical edge to his tone that makes Tobio _ache_ , “And I…I don’t know what I’m doing or how I’m supposed to be feeling or what’s even happening to me, and I’m _scared_ , Kageyama. Terrified. Because I’ve spent so long conditioning my body for volleyball, so long taking care of myself in any way I know how, but it’s fighting against me now, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. So _please_. Please, Kageyama. Don’t make this any harder for me.”

Hinata shakes his head slightly, bringing a hand up to roughly wipe away the lingering tears on his cheeks. 

“There’s nothing I can say to you to fix this,” Hinata whispers, voice thick, “There’s nothing I can do, so just…just leave it. Please.”

He looks pained as he turns away, and there are words of comfort and confusion and desperation on the tip of Tobio’s tongue, but he stays silent, lets his arms hang loosely at his sides despite the way he craves the feeling of Hinata between them.

It feels a little bit like he’s taking a piece of Tobio with him, as Hinata walks away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, but as always, you do you.
> 
> See you next time!  
> Franks22


End file.
